Hold On to Your Kids + Anxious Generation
I recently finished the audiobooks for Hold On to Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate and The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. I’ve seen many recommendations for Haidt’s book over the last several years and Neufeld and Mate’s book was a recommendation based on previous personal reads. Being in the field of education and working specifically with high schoolers as well as parenting two teenagers, I am always interested in reading current books on research and trends. Both books are secular in nature, so the worldview ultimately impacts some of the angle and interpretation of the research and trends regarding teens, but that doesn’t take away from the information and the author’s effectiveness in conveying concerns for the current generations.
Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers was originally published in 2005, but there is a new updated edition with a chapter on the digital age and post-pandemic concerns when raising children. Separated into several sections, the focus of the information is driving parents to understand that their relationship with their children is to be primary over their relationships with their peers. Throughout the book, Neufeld and Mate do an excellent job of detailing the trends through society and culture that led to children growing up more peer oriented and the consequences individuals and society is facing because of this. Not without hope, the authors also provide practical guides and steps to help parents reclaim their children and to develop sincere relationships that allow children to truly thrive.
Part One: The Phenomenon of Peer Orientation
Part Two: Sabotaged: How Peer Orientation Undermines Parenting
Part Three: Stuck in immaturity: How Peer Orientations Stunts Healthy Development
Part Four: How to Hold on to Our Kids (Or How to Reclaim Them)
Part Five: Preventing Peer Orientation
Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt was originally published in 2024 details what social media has really done to the youth and generations since the advent of the smart phone in 2010. Haidt does an excellent job of communicating the current trends and concerns related to anxiety, depression, suicide, apathy, and lack of attention in the current generations who have been raised on this technology and social media. Haidt also breaks down the influence and distinctions between males and females as both have been and are impacted differently. The historical trends and influences are extremely important for parents to be aware of. Ultimately, Haidt is advocating for readers and parents to limit technology and smart phone use with families setting boundaries and the legislature working more to protect children and not profits and corporations. Right now, according to Haidt, children are able to sign-up for social media and online accounts at age 13. Haidt advocates for this to be raised to age 16. He also shows the distinction and change over time from a play based childhood to a phone based childhood. Parents, often seeking to keep their children physically safe, have limited the play based childhood, but in the meantime have unknowingly in many regards put them in a far more dangerous landmine of the internet. Haidt’s claims and observations truly hit home for me personally as I have tried to limit and guard my own children’s online activity, but even in that desire and diligence, stuff slips through and you cannot undo that exposure. I know we have all been there and there are great programs out there to help parents monitor and control their children’s online use. It is imperative that parents take this seriously and pay the cost for excellent programs to help safeguard and shepherd their children.
Also sectioned into parts:
Part 1: A Tidal Wave
Part 2: The Backstory: The decline of the play-based childhood
Part 3: The Great Rewiring: The rise of the phone-based childhood
Part 4: Collective Action for Healthier Childhood
Both authors also touch on the proliferation and ease of access to pornography to children as well as the detrimental effects of this exposure. I wanted to draw attention to this for both books for two purposes - 1) parents need to realize the ease of which this material is accessible even when their children are not seeking it, and 2) if you are listening to the audio versions where younger ears can hear, then you can anticipate that information appearing.
I would HIGHLY encourage parents to listen to our read both of these books; however, if you were to only choose one, I would encourage you to read Hold On to Your Kids. I think there is much in these books that goes hand-in-hand as the phone-based childhood leads our children to be more peer-oriented. Overall, I felt encouraged that the limitations and instances of walking through the “but, mom, everyone else has…” were the right choices and fighting those battles protected my children in ways I could not fully comprehend at the time. Don’t get me wrong, my parenting journey has not been perfect and there are many situations and instances I wish I could redo, but I am thankful that God is faithful and He can use our failures to turn broken things to blessings.
No matter where you are on the parenting journey - infants, toddlers, young children, middle schoolers, or teens, know that there is always hope in any situation. No situation or anyone is beyond redemption and a turn-around. That doesn’t mean it will be easy, but know that there is always hope.
